The System Check: A retreat in nature for Men to Connection, Reflect, and Grow - together
The Room with Two Chairs
A few years ago, my friend Nathan and I decided we wanted to do more for the men in our community. We’re both therapists, but we knew that for many guys, the traditional couch feels a bit stiff. We started a Talk Club group. On the very first night, only two people showed up: Nathan and me.
We could have called it a day. Instead, we sat there and realised that even just the two of us talking was valuable. We kept pushing. Eventually, that room filled up with men from every walk of life—police officers, teachers, guys from the services, young lads, grandfathers, and men navigating the wreckage of losses in their many different forms.
Standing back and watching that group was a revelation. We realised it wasn't just about the advice. It was the phenomenon of multiple hearts and minds giving attention and presence to one man’s struggle. There is a profound sense of hope that comes from sitting across from someone who is going through something similar, yet he’s still standing. It opens up the possibility that you can navigate your world, too.
The Oxygen Mask Paradox
As the group grew, I noticed something. Men are naturally inclined to support others, but we often feel guilty about looking at ourselves. We feel like focusing on our own stuff is selfish.
But there’s a reason the airline industry gives us a specific instruction: Fit your own oxygen mask first, before you help someone else. We’ve forgotten that lesson. We assume being a good man means ignoring our own needs to serve our families or our jobs. In reality, the stronger we are, the more we can help others. I’ve found in my own life that the more I focused on my needs within a group setting, the more present I became as a father and a partner at home. To be the anchor for your family, you have to be firmly grounded yourself.
Leaving the Town Behind
This realisation led Nathan and me to evolve. We are moving from the support group model of Talk Club to something more intensive: The System Check Weekend.
The first thing we changed was the environment. We’re moving out of the town and into the West Sussex countryside. We’ve found a converted barn on a farm surrounded by nothing but fields and woodlands.
There is something about being in nature, away from the sterile rooms and the noise of daily life, that allows a man to drop his guard. It’s a place with space, quiet and limited mobile reception. It’s a place where you can finally hear yourself think.
Facing the Dragon
I used to be a personal trainer, and we had a mantra: "If you don't like doing it, you should be doing it." The logic was simple: if you hate squats, it’s probably because your legs are weak there. We avoid what makes us feel vulnerable.
Groups are scary. Talking frankly about your internal world is scary. Venturing into the unknown is scary. But there is a reason George became a saint: it was because he voluntarily confronted the dragon—the very thing that scared him most.
The front door of a therapy group is that dragon. We fear being seen, yet being seen is exactly what heals us. By stepping through that door and facing the thing you’ve been avoiding, you don't just get through the weekend—you discover something incredibly powerful about who you are.
Moving Beyond Survival
A tree doesn't survive by accident; it thrives because its needs for sunlight and rain are met. Human beings are the same. If you can become aware of what you need—personally, professionally, and emotionally—you stop just treading water.
The System Check Weekend isn't about changing your whole life; it’s about shoring up your foundations. It’s about making sure your own mask is fitted properly so that when you return to the choppy waters of your daily life, you aren't just surviving. You’re leading.
What to Expect: The System Check Weekend
We know that unknowns create hesitation. Here is the framework of the weekend to help you decide if you’re ready to step through the door:
The Setting: We’ll be based in a converted barn on a farm in West Sussex. You can expect fresh air, quiet, and plenty of space to decompress.
The Group: This isn't a massive seminar. It’s a small, curated group of men. We keep the numbers low to ensure everyone has the multiple minds of the group focused on them when they need it.
The System Check: Just like a pilot runs a pre-flight check, we’ll be inviting you to look under the hood of your current life. We’ll think about where you are treading water and where you are thriving.
Guided Reflection: Nathan and I will lead structured sessions designed to help you identify your personal and professional needs. This isn't about venting; it’s about gaining high-level self-awareness.
Physical engagement: There will be time for walking, movement and working with our bodies and our breath. We’ve found that some of the best insights happen when you engage and move your body rather than simply sitting still - there will be space for both.
The Takeaway: You will leave with a clearer understanding of your oxygen mask—the specific things you need to stay grounded and effective when you return to your family and your work.
The Goal: You aren't coming here to be fixed—you aren't broken. You’re coming here to get stronger, to understand your own terrain, and to become a more resilient version of yourself.
Ready to take the walk?
If you feel that pull—that sense that you’ve been ignoring your own needs for too long—then this weekend is for you. We’re currently taking bookings for our next intake in West Sussex.
More detail can be found here:
